Some girls among us who are in a steady relationship sometimes feel all gloomy, as their partner suddenly starts to pull himself away… “I need some time to think about certain things in life” So we jump to the conclusion and take it all personally. Has your boyfriend recently behaved in the same indifferent manner, said those phrases because of which you are thinking what have I done? Why is he behaving like this? Is there any other girl in his life?
What we must understand that they are entirely different than us “Men are from mars women are from Venus” after all. But the common question that keeps bugging us -why all of a sudden he is behaving so differently, common causes can be professional or academic pressure, a new job where everything is new for him, examinations are approaching for which he isn’t prepared, not getting a job, death of a close friend, financial crisis, family issues causes can be different. But what we can actually do in that circumstance to comfort us and them at the same time-
Here are few ways which we can consider:
First of all what we need to do is not to take it personally and not to freak out, don’t jump to any conclusion, what we can do, is to give him a pause to open up some more. They need time to open up, as opening up for most of the guys, is another way of showing weakness, which they don’t want to.
If your man is ok with opening up, let him talk, even if all together it doesn’t make any sense.
But if he has a strong male ego, then he will take more time to open up. You need to be patient.
If he didn’t talk much then ask him- is there anything wrong in his life? Don’t ever ask, have I done something? Don’t invite blame. Don’t say, what’s my fault? Why are you pushing me away? By saying those things, you will only confuse him more (they are altogether a confusing species)
Just give him a reminder that his holding things up can hamper your relationship, in the long run.
Open up a conversation where there is more space for him to talk, don’t make it a close one by giving him conclusions.
When a guy is under a lot of physical and psychological stress he wants to withdraw himself from the world until he figured out his situation, a guy only want to show his best to people around them(you know, how big show off they are). If he doesn’t want to talk or says that he will explain it later, don’t pressurise him and give him some time to figure out. Nagging will make him feel more threatened.
Sometimes too much closeness can make him feel suffocated; he misses his care- free days, so gives him some time and allow him some more space. We should respect another person’s need for space and time in their life.
Don’t try to be his therapist instantly, always remember he doesn’t want your help, he just wants you to understand.
Just tell him, you understand that he is going through some hardship. And surely he can take how much time he needs to figure things out.
Don’t make him feel an object of pity by saying-“let me help you”, or “I am always there if you need any kind of help or suggestion”. Instead of that say- I know you have the capability to find the way out of your problem, but if you feel free, we can sit for a discursion, whenever you want. You need to make him understand by your way of conversation that he can actually rely on you. Give him space but don’t be inaccessible.
You have to give him the comfort zone where he can express those not so good sides of his life.
Trust him, which will encourage him to trust you with his little secrets if there is any.
Give him a week or two, just apart yourself as much as you can, don’t call or text… let him hibernate. By letting him doing that you aren’t doing anything wrong to yourself.
Once he is ease with the situation let him know that this kind of withdrawn behaviour hurts you, and he can be comfortable with you. But let him settle down at first.
In the meantime, you need to stay positive, spend some time for yourself, do things what makes you happy, you need to stay confident and you need to be patient.