An idiots guide to getting dumped

Ok, all the ladies and lads out there…You are dating someone right?

Does your date seem a perfect match? Aweeee…it’s so sweet. I bet she is understanding, and he is caring…She understands when you are exhausted after a long day at office and can’t talk to her or go out on a date.

I bet he is caring, he brings ice creams for your midnight hunger, pulls chairs in restaurants…carries your shopping bags…blah…blah…blah… but once the honeymoon phase is over, things get vague. You don’t like anything about your partner anymore. Want to dump him/her before things get serious, or your long time partner seems impossible to handle  nowadays. Want to end things in a way that you can play the innocent helpless victim and he or she will be blamed for giving up on you? This requires sinister planning and proper implementation.
Enough with bookish knowledge, now it’s time we get some out of the box knowledge on how to get dumped. You can also use it to avoid getting dumped, simply by not applying the following methods in your life.

Ladies First :

1. Girls, always nag him…like you are a 5-year-old and in constant need of a chocolate…but the difference is, in this case your chocolate is his attention…

   

2. Never forget to check his call log and message inbox, when you meet him, snatch his phone and without wasting time, start, his phone must get more attention than he does.

3. Cry a Lot. Always cry without any prior notice. You must remember that you should cry over silly things. Sillier the reason , the more are the chances that you are going to get dumped, then you can play the victim’s role too.

   

4. Watch TV shows without a miss and tell him everything and anything about it. Yeah don’t stop, tell everything. About whose wife lost memory and whose husband got married for the fifth time? Don’t forget to play a rapid fire round with him later on.

5. Don’t forget to compare your partner with other guys..

6. Call and text him frequently, when he is at office, in his class or while driving and if he didn’t receive your call or reply to your texts, promptly start unnecessary fights…even if he has some serious reasons.

   

7. Put on excessive makeup, and put on some weight and then wear clothes two size smaller than your actual size.

   

8. Be clingy and spineless, an over-demanding attention seeker. Very soon you will be a burden to him, which will definitely make him dump you.

   

Now For All The Men :

9. Wear stained wrinkled t-shirts when you are out with her on a date. Don’t pay bills and if you are choosing the venue, choose the cheapest one.

10. Compromise your personal hygiene for a week or two, and she will be out of the picture very soon.

11. Be possessive but not protective: start fights even if she smiles at the “Doodhwala”.  Keep bugging her when she is out with her friends, but don’t hold her hand in overcrowded buses or trains.

    

12. Don’t wish on her birthday, forget the anniversaries etc… etc…etc.

13. Don’t pick up her call whenever she calls you. Give very short replies to her text and delay by at least two hours later.

14. Always without missing a chance talk about your ex. particularly how well she understood you, and don’t forget to express your grief that your previous relationship didn’t work out.

    

15. And most important, call her fat…call her Fat in public.

But if everything fails there is a common rule for both, the girls and the guys… that is, you have to cheat on him or her.

And….TAAAA…DAAAA…You have been DUMPED…you are single again…Happily single…