Sure, you’ve skimmed through such lists a hundred million times and they all tell you the same thing over and over again. Your partner avoids you; he’s off the radar, or she’s on her phone, eternally. But you have to have wondered what the reasons for your partner’s behaviour was, no? So here’s a list with a tiny bit of psychological backing, to help you understand why your partner is doing whatever they are doing while cheating on you.
1. He’s been working out… A LOT
The great level of physical intimacy between your partner and you has somehow died out. Maybe they don’t find you attractive or maybe they don’t find themselves attractive. In any case, somebody else is giving them the attention you’re denying them and they will do anything to just hold on to it for as long as they have it, even if a six-pack or bikini body is what it takes.
2. She’s been cooking you that chicken curry you really like
It’s called atonement. Your partner is cheating on you and is obviously feeling guilty about it. They’re not feeling guilty enough to confess their affair to you but just enough to do something nice for you to compensate, or atone for their sin.
3. He freaks out if you check the time on his phone
Yes, there were those days when neither of you would hang up the phone, entailing in a deadly battle of: “You hang up”… “No, you hang up”. But that’s not the cliché you are anymore. You’re the cliché where you’ve stopped telling your partner about your day, with hardly 5 sentences being shared between the two of you. Maybe it’s because one of you got too busy with work or the other just got bored of the routine. Your partner has found someone else to be emotionally intimate with and they’re going to spend all their time texting on talking to them.
4. She’s been fussing over every little thing you do…
…a whole lot more than she always does.
Your partner feels guilty about cheating on you and it builds up inside them, causing them to be irritated all the time. So they may nag you or chide you for your silliest, most harmless follies. But really, deep inside they just want to yell at themselves.
5. He has begun closing doors
This isn’t just a metaphorical door. Couples who have been in a relationship for a long time tends to leave doors around their partners open no matter what they’re doing in a room. But if your partner has suddenly begun keeping doors closed it means that they’re trying to shut you out of their life not just physically but emotionally too.
6. She hears you be polite to your housemaid and accuses you of cheating
Psychological projection, an ego defence mechanism, causes you to project undesirable behaviours of yourself onto others. Your partner who is themselves involved with someone might project what they perceive of themselves onto you and suspect you of infidelity.
7. She gives you the “I want more privacy” speech
Your partner might really just need more space. But they could also just want you to push through and reach out to them. They might be spending their time with someone else but what they really want is to be with you. But they need to know it from you and are waiting for you.
8. You found a note in his jacket with a girl’s number written on it
Your partner is meeting other people. Maybe they’re just exploring their options or looking to experiment. And just maybe they want to be caught. Psychologists say that most adulterers want to get caught because the act of infidelity is really just to catch the partner’s attention.
9. He’s been overspending and you have no clue on what
Why: Your partner is into someone and is trying to keep them happy. They are actually putting effort into keeping the affair going. You partner clearly doesn’t believe your relationship will survive and considers the affair more important.
10. Gut feeling, or in case you’re a woman, Feminine Intuition
Your instincts constitute your first reaction to something. And it’s not just some random reaction. Many researchers believe that your instincts come from all your past experiences which together with critical thinking help you analyse something in a flash. So, if you really doubt your partner of adultery, let your instincts be your guide.
These telltale signs may actually be leading you to the truth but let’s face it, not all of us are human lie detectors like Cal Lightman or Patrick Jane. We assume, we judge, we make mistakes. So, the only sure way of knowing is to catch your partner in the act!
